What does it really take to help couples create lasting connection? In this episode, Dr. Marni Feuerman joins me to explore strengthening emotional bonds in couples therapy and highlighting her extensive training in both Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method. Together, we examine how attachment, emotion, and experiential work shape real, enduring relationship change.

From session on, Dr. Feuerman shares how effective therapy helps partners start where they are and expand from there.

Training in EFT and Gottman: A Well-Rounded Foundation for strengthening emotional bonds in couples therapy

Dr. Feuerman reflects on her journey to certification in EFT and level three training in the Gottman Method. While Gottman offers extensive tools and psychoeducation grounded in research in their research lab The Love Lab, she found EFT to be a method that she calls on most frequently, as she appreciates the elements of emotional attunement and systemic change.

EFT now includes emotionally focused therapy for couples (EFCT), individuals (EFIT), and families (EFFT), making it a flexible and powerful framework.

Why Strengthening Emotional Bonds Requires Experience

One of the core insights Dr. Feuerman shares is the difference between talking about emotion and experiencing it. In EFT, therapy is experiential which means each client has opportunities to practice the skills in session, sometimes in enactments where partners speak directly to each other, with the therapist helping them stay emotionally connected and safe.

As she puts it, “We’re not just talking about sadness; we’re feeling it, processing it, and creating new neural pathways together.”

Starting the Work: Assessments and Emotional Safety

Dr. Feuerman outlines her early sessions with couples: thorough assessments, individual partner sessions, and a focus on understanding the couple’s cycle. She describes relying on her own assessment even more than the couple’s report of what’s happening and that helps her determine whether it’s high conflict, emotional distance, or a repeating pattern of shutdown and pursuit.

And if the work is better suited to individuals, she shares how and when to transition or refer out.

From Ghosted to Growth: Attachment, Patterns, and the Book Behind the Work

Excitingly to me, we discuss Dr. Feuerman’s book, Ghosted and Breadcrumbed, which synthesizes her clinical wisdom into practical guidance for women caught in dating patterns with emotionally unavailable partners. It’s a powerful blend of attachment theory, self-awareness, and action steps.

She describes that chemistry can be important and feel exciting, but it isn’t the only thing to look for and focus on, and describes a few of the necessary characteristics to look for in addition. She also mentions the book Becoming Attached as a great read when it comes to attachment.

Therapist to Therapist: Learn, Consult, Grow

Dr. Feuerman’s personal love of learning translates to the mission of The Self Careapist Podcast and she speaks directly to our therapist listeners: keep learning, pursue high-quality consultation, and don’t underestimate the value of experiential trainings. She encourages clinicians to explore both EFT and Gottman Method, and to find their own “fit” while centering client needs.

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Why This Episode Matters

If you’re a therapist, a student, or a therapy nerd like us, this conversation offers insight, honesty, and some first steps if you’re interested in pursuing advanced couples’ training.

🎧 Tune in to hear how strengthening emotional bonds in couples therapy begins with emotion, unfolds in the room, and continues long after the session ends.