Starting therapy can feel intimidating, especially when you’re not sure what to expect. If you’re considering Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, you might be wondering: What actually happens in that first session? Will I be expected to dive into painful memories right away? What if I don’t “do it right”?

Let me walk you through what typically happens in a first IFS therapy session, so you can arrive feeling prepared and at ease.

Before the Session: What to Know

I ask for some basic information just like a typical first session.

• Your mental health history
• Current medications
• What’s bringing you to therapy right now
• Your goals and hopes for our work together

This information helps me understand your background and what you’re hoping to address, but we’ll talk through everything together in our session as well.

The First Few Minutes: Getting Comfortable

(PUT IN YOUR OWN WORDS: Describe YOUR actual first-session process)

When we begin, I’ll typically spend a few minutes helping you get comfortable and oriented. This might include:

• Explaining confidentiality and what to expect from our work together
• Answering any questions you have about the therapy process
• Discussing logistics like session frequency, fees, and scheduling

This is also your opportunity to get a sense of whether we’re a good fit. Therapy is deeply personal, and it’s important that you feel safe and understood.

Understanding Why You’re Here

A significant portion of our first session will focus on understanding what brought you to therapy and what you’re hoping to change or heal.

I’ll ask you questions like:

• What’s been happening in your life that led you to seek therapy now?
• What are you struggling with most?
• What have you tried before, and how did that work (or not work)?
• What would life look like if therapy helped in the way you’re hoping?

The goal isn’t to solve everything in the first session. Instead, I’m listening for patterns, understanding your pain points, and beginning to identify which parts of you might be involved in your struggles.

Introduction to IFS: Parts, Protectors, and Self

If you’re new to IFS, I’ll introduce you to the basic framework. Don’t worry—this isn’t a lecture, and you won’t be tested!

I’ll explain:

Parts: We all have different aspects of our personality (parts) that hold different feelings, beliefs, and roles. These aren’t separate personalities; they’re normal aspects of how our psyche organizes itself.

Protectors: Some parts work hard to keep you safe from painful feelings. These might show up as your inner critic, your people-pleasing tendencies, your perfectionism, or behaviors like procrastination or emotional shutdown.

Exiles: Other parts carry old wounds and painful emotions from past experiences. Protectors work hard to keep these vulnerable parts from overwhelming you.

Self: Beneath all your parts, you have a core Self that’s naturally calm, curious, compassionate, and confident. This Self can heal your wounded parts.

I’ll use examples from your own experience to help you start recognizing these parts in action. You might already notice: “Oh, that critical voice that tells me I’m not good enough—that’s a part!”

Beginning to Notice Parts

Even in a first session, we might begin some gentle parts work. This could look like:

• Noticing which parts are present right now as we talk
• Identifying a part that’s been particularly active lately
• Getting curious about what a part might be trying to protect you from
• Practicing the difference between being “blended” with a part versus noticing it from Self

For example, if you mention feeling anxious about starting therapy, I might ask: “Can you notice the anxious part? Where do you feel it in your body? What’s it worried about?”

This isn’t about fixing the anxiety. It’s about beginning to develop a curious, compassionate relationship with the part that’s anxious.

What We Won’t Do (Usually) in a First Session

It’s important to know what we typically won’t do in an initial session:

We won’t force you into painful memories. IFS is a gentle, client-paced approach. We won’t go digging into trauma before your system is ready.

We won’t push parts to change. In fact, the opposite. We approach all parts with curiosity and respect, even the ones causing you distress.

We won’t expect you to “perform” or get it right. There’s no wrong way to do IFS. Your parts will show up exactly as they need to.

We won’t unburden deep wounds immediately. Healing happens in layers. The first session is about building safety and understanding.

Ending the Session: Next Steps

Toward the end of our first session, we’ll:

• Summarize what we’ve learned about your situation and the parts involved
• Discuss whether IFS feels like a good fit for what you’re seeking
• Talk about frequency of sessions and our plan moving forward
• Address any questions or concerns you have
• Schedule your next appointment if you’d like to continue

I’ll also check in about how the session felt for you. Sometimes first sessions bring up a lot of emotions, and I want to make sure you feel grounded before you leave.

Common First Session Experiences

Many clients tell me that their first IFS session feels:

• Relieving: “Finally, someone understands why I do what I do”
• Hopeful: “Maybe I’m not as broken as I thought”
• Curious: “I want to learn more about these parts”
• Emotional: “I didn’t expect to feel so much”
• Safe: “I felt heard and not judged”

Some people leave feeling energized and hopeful. Others feel tender or tired—this is normal when you begin looking inward with honesty. All of these responses are welcome and valid.

How to Prepare for Your First Session

Here’s what can help you prepare:

Come as you are. You don’t need to have everything figured out or articulate your struggles perfectly. We’ll figure it out together.

Notice your parts beforehand. In the days before our session, you might start paying attention to different “voices” or feelings inside you. Which parts are worried about therapy? Hopeful? Skeptical?

Write down your goals. If it helps, jot down a few notes about what you’re hoping to address or change.

Be gentle with yourself afterward. First sessions can be emotionally activating. Plan some time to rest or do something nurturing after our appointment.

What Happens After the First Session?

If we decide to move forward together, our subsequent sessions will deepen the work we began.

We’ll:

• Continue getting to know your parts and their roles
• Help protective parts relax so we can access and heal exiles
• Build your capacity to stay in Self when parts get activated
• Work at a pace that feels right for your system

Some clients feel significant shifts within a few sessions. Others engage in deeper, longer-term work. The timeline depends on what you’re addressing and how your parts respond to the process.

Questions I’m Often Asked

Do I need to believe in “parts” for this to work? Not at all. Many people are skeptical at first. As we work together, you’ll likely notice parts naturally. But even if the language feels strange, the process itself tends to resonate.

What if I can’t “find” my parts? This is very common, especially at first. I’ll help you. Sometimes parts are subtle, and sometimes they’re hiding. We’ll go at whatever pace feels right.

Is it okay to cry or get emotional? Absolutely. All emotions are welcome in our sessions. I’ll make sure you feel safe and supported.

What if I don’t like IFS after the first session? That’s completely okay. The first session is partly about determining if this approach and our work together feel like a good fit. You’re never locked in.

Take the Next Step

If you’re curious about IFS therapy and ready to take that first step, I’d be honored to work with you.

The first session is about building understanding, safety, and connection. There’s no pressure, no judgment, and no expectation that you have everything figured out.

Schedule a free consultation to discuss whether IFS might be right for you,.

You deserve support, understanding, and a path toward healing. Let’s explore that together.

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Lorain Moorehead, LCSW IFS Therapist